The Weather

2006-03-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

So I met that guy in Westminster. The interview was great but the job is awful. The guy has been trying to phone me all day but thank goodness I have been out. I told him I had accepted another offer. Yes, I LIED.

I am so cold. I've just been to check out another room. This one was quite nice and the girl seemed lovely, but I don't know what to do. Do I start paying rent before I have a job? Do I start temping till I hear about the other job? My dad phoned and said I needed to phone his sister in Birmingham IMMEDIATELY and go visit there for a while. I said I would, but am not going to just yet. Yes, I lied again. What have I become?

Brrrrrrr.

By the way any advice is welcome! I need advice!

2006-03-15T03:25:00.000-08:00

I'm at Beverley and Richard's place now still looking for work. At the moment I have a 'meeting' tonight with some guy. He wants to meet me outside the Westminster tube station at 18:30 for an informal chat about a job. If I don't blog again in a few days you'll know I have been abducted.

Tomorrow night I am supposed to meet another guy about a waitressing job at a South African restaurant. Waitressing was really supposed to be my last option. I can just see myself getting stuck there and before you know it I will be 30 and waitressing. I have 2 days to sort something else out, or at least make up my mind about waitressing. It's a live-in position which makes it even more convenient, but then I won't have the 'fear' in me to go for something else. (I saw that episode of Friends last night where Rachel quits waitressing to get the 'fear' in her to motivate her to look for something else. A sign??)

I've just been mailed about a room in Southfields which I should check out on my way to Westminster.

My life is a big question mark right now.

2006-03-13T05:28:00.000-08:00

2006-03-12T04:58:00.000-08:00

I've just seen a room that I hoped I would love, but didn't. Now there is another potential room which seems great, but it's only open for viewing next Saturday, which is really quite far away! And, I find out about that job tomorrow, which I hope will work out, but there's a lot else if it doesn't. I hate not knowing what's going on, but I'm having an ok time while this stuff is being sorted out so I'm not too stressed.

2006-03-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

Brrr... it's cold.

Well things have been happening quite quickly I think. I already have my NI number from last time in England so that's helped. I've applied for a bank account and been to the employment agency for a telesales job. That seems alright for now. It means that I have to take calls from complaining customers. I have another interview tomorrow at a financial recruitment place which seems better. It seems more like a 'real' job. And the guy who phoned was a South African which I also like. I don't know why. South Africans are just lovely, amazing people really. It's really far away though so I'm counting on getting ridiculously lost. Job first, sorting out a flat later. Wish me luck blog people.

2006-03-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

I'm in Wimbledon! I don't know how I feel about that yet. I'm staying with my friends Beverley and Richard, until I 'sort myself out' which means I need a job and a place to stay. I'm too tired to trust my own judgement right now so I should probably blog later.

2006-03-05T12:37:00.000-08:00

So I will be leaving again on Tuesday, this time to England. Already all my friends are making jokes like, "See you next week!" after my awful Taiwan experience. (It really wasn't so extremely awful, just expensive for a 4 day holiday.) Well, hopefully this will go better. 2006 is a year of unpredictability and craziness, at least for me anyway.

Things I do look forward to, include...
Wearing layered outfits
Buying cheap music
Finding a job of course
Hopefully finding cool people to live with in an area I like
Seeing my friends Bev and Richard
Exploring my new surroundings
Hopefully saving enough money to travel a bit

I wonder how many South Africans are in London right now? I feel like a sheep. But no, it makes sense and I'm sure I will enjoy it. Besides, I bought a one way ticket this time so I have even greater incentive to make the most of it.

2006-03-05T00:37:00.000-08:00

I miss irritating Wian in the mornings and taking pictures of him eating his breakfast. I don't suppose he misses being irritated now that he eats his breakfast in peace!

Wow my friends are pretty!

( This one again seems familiar. )

2006-03-03T00:37:00.000-08:00

Top 5 places to go:
France (with Pieter!)
Maldives (with my cousin Lizette)
Mozambique (with Benita perhaps)
Australia
Portugal/Spain

The most difficult thing is waiting for the right travel companion.. to finish studying or save up or commit to going etc. I hate the idea of planning around someone else so I'd like to just make my plans alone. Also, you need to find the right person for the right destination. Mike, where else should I go? You've been everywhere.. you should give me some ideas!

2006-03-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

(Possibly old pictures)

This was over my 21st weekend when me and Benita went to Flora Bay for the weekend... and we studied while there! OH to be there now...

We heart Savanna too Mike.

2006-03-01T00:37:00.000-08:00

I feel so grossed out and frustrated by myself right now I want to vomit everywhere. I have no idea why I'm doing the things I'm doing anymore.. even just hanging out with my friends. I love them but I just don't feel like seeing them so often. I'm making decisions based on things I don't want to do. I feel so pathetic and when I read this tomorrow I'll feel even more pathetic. My friend asked me today how I feel about going to England (next week!) and I had to say "I haven't given it much thought actually." And now my friend in London has said she 'can't wait to see me in 7 days," and I just thought, "Why?"

I feel so out of control of who I am... and so weird. Everyone has always called me weird since sub A and I have never thought anything of it, but coming home tonight I thought... Which is crazy because as unique as I am (!) there (statistically speaking) must be more people just like me. I have no idea what is going on around me. Again, when I read this tomorrow I will die of embarrassment and want to delete my whole blog.

I want to cry.

I have no idea what I am doing. Now I am crying. I feel really young and stupid. After I've laughed at something, I feel really stupid about it.

I think maybe when I go to England I should start going to church with Bev... maybe that is what's needed.

Does everyone else just know why they are doing what they are doing? Or, do they not care?

5 (very) loosely connected pictures.. or rather 5 absolutely random pictures.

2006-02-28T12:37:00.000-08:00

This is my room today. I realise the picture's bad, but if you can't tell, my room is a mess. (I should never have started cleaning it.) I've just come home from being out. Yes, obviously you have to go out to come home. What I mean is that it's a bit late. I feel depressed or maybe a bit sad. I think Joe's post, The Thin Line, describes it nicely.
I'm still busy playing with the cd Robyn gave me and my varsity cd, so there will be many pictures! Not relating at all to anything. I'm sorry if some of the pictures are old. No, I'm actually not sorry, but I just acknowledge that some of them may be old.. like this one of me and Robyn's exboyfriend Clint in London. I like it because I have no idea what that expression on my face means. I was probably just swallowing my juice.

This is my cousin Simon who is one of my favourite people. I lived with him while staying in Birmingham and will hopefully be seeing him in London where he studies. He is extremely wise, and that's a really big thing to say about someone.

Here is the picture of the car I sold to go to Taiwan. A week after I sold it, it was stolen and now there are probably bad people having sex and doing drugs in my little Fox.

And finally, another picture of the Free State! (From when I went to visit Benita, who is in the car and is incidentally also standing next to the Fox in the picture above.) The Free State is really very pretty.

2006-02-28T00:37:00.000-08:00

When my dad was a kid, he and his 3 siblings were never allowed to do anything my grandfather thought was too American... like chewing gum; wearing blue jeans; drinking coca cola; reading comics or listening to pop music. I don't think my dad has ever worn jeans. He only chews nicorette gum. (while smoking!) He listens to world music. But anyway, my dad now loves to sit next to me during a movie and mutter, "American cheese!" in German the whole way through. (Hmmm, I wonder if Mike's dad does this.) Oh, and he loves to say, "Skop skiet en donner!"

I watched Requiem for a Dream with my dad (bad idea) but he just kept saying, "My goodness, that's not nice!" And the other night we were watching Prison Break and within the first few minutes he said, "typical neurotic Americans," before he knew what was going on. I don't know what to think of this. Maybe I will be the same with my children. (!)

(By the way my dad has been to America and he loved the people and he only said good things about the country.)

2006-02-26T00:37:00.000-08:00

I've started cleaning my room and now I can't see the floor anymore. I don't want to go back in there. I got another Elliot Smith cd, so it was a good day. Robyn and Malcolm are fighting though. I didn't cause the fight but I was there when it began. Malcolm told Robyn to shut up and I said something to him about girlfriends being disobedient and not knowing their place and how important it is for boyfriends to teach their girlfriends to shut up when told. Robyn sort of slapped me (!) and Malcolm said, "fucking hell" and Robyn said that one thing she straight out 'will not tolerate' is a boyfriend who swears. And then she suddenly got very stupid and said that her exboyfriend would never have disrespected her... She is so silly.

She said she is just helping Malcolm to be better to improve the relationship. She said she would not tolerate swearing, yelling or any unnecessary rough-housing. She asked him what he dislikes and he said, "I don't have little hangups." It was really entertaining, but I hope they don't keep fighting. I quite like having Malcolm around. It would be sad to see him go.

I know I need to go back into my room now, at least to make a clearing on my bed.

Oh, update: I still don't have a job or a place to stay in England. It will be another 'adventure.' I'm not too stressed... my brain is a bit jellyish these days. I'm also daydreaming at three times the normal daily rate. Debaser knows all aout that.

Robyn's just invited me to a movie with her and the exboyfriend. Hmmm. Sorry for you Malc.

2006-02-24T05:39:00.000-08:00

I'm twenty two today.. I think it will be a good age. Robyn's just come over with lots of good presents and a cd of photos...

Robyn and Malcolm

2006-02-23T20:49:00.000-08:00

How strange was the earthquake in Mozambique? I really think it's a sign we are living in end times.
Unisa is pissing me off again today, but that's boring.
And Trevor, a cv is a curriculum vitae is a resume. This is mine... I wonder if I'd employ myself. If I knew me I wouldn't. (?) But, umm... I sound sweet on paper. Well, I went to Bible School which seems like a nice thing to do.
Hey! It's my birthday soon!

Education
2001 Matriculated
2005 University of Stellenbosch, Western Cape South Africa
Bachelor of Commerce, Logistics Management
Languages
English
German
Afrikaans
Work experience
1997 – 2000 KwaZulu Natal South Africa - Waitress
· 2002 Studentwise Promotions, KwaZulu Natal South Africa
Dec 04 - Feb 05 Barnt Green, Birmingham, UK - Waitress
· 2004 – 2005 Musa Khaly’s Batik Gallery
Shop assistant and cashier
Volunteer experience
2003 and 2004 Habitat for Humanity Housing Project
University Involvements
2003 Bible School; "Pulp" Film Society
2004 and 2005 Transcribing interviews for Psychology Department; "Pulp" Film Society
2005 Statistics Mentor

2006-02-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

South Africans! Buy the new sl, the cd is really good.

Aren't people always trying to feel good about their mistakes? It reminds me of Slopmasters post about people claiming to have no regrets... is that possible? Whenever I look back I try to imagine how I should feel about mistakes I've made and maybe tell myself that I've learnt something. Maybe you just need to feel that your mistakes weren't in vain so you won't feel depressed. I suppose if you recognise a mistake in hindsight then you'll be able to see it coming better in the future. This topic is boring me now. (The ADD.)

I spend most of my time with my friend Robyn... for about 10 years now, except when I was in Cape Town studying. (Relief!) Even though she is one of my best friends, she's one of the reasons I want to go away. (When I went to CT, Taiwan and now England.) She's always sad when I leave, I feel so bad. I love her! She just makes me feel so claustrophobic. Maybe it's the way she's been in durban all this time living in the same place and we always do the same things together. It just makes me realise again that I don't think I could get married. I like leaving and missing someone. Again, I'm bored by this topic.

Sometimes as soon as I've voiced something, or written something, I have no idea if I still feel it!

2006-02-21T05:39:00.001-08:00

2006-02-21T05:39:00.000-08:00

Unisa is fucking ridiculous. I've been trying to phone them for days, but their line is constantly engaged. All I need to do is change my exam venue from Taipei to London. I've just finally got through and apparently I need to drive all the way to their offices to do this. I had so many more questions about modules and was just saying, "Oh, and another thing..." when the guy goes, "Oh. Goodbye." and hangs up. Wian would say something about who was on duty, but I am a nice person and don't say such things even when I am thinking them.

I've just been studying a bit at home and talking to our maid who seems to be drunk a lot lately. She talks a lot and is always quite emotional. It's hot, raining, humid and misty today.

I've just mailed Unisa and they mailed me back...

"This is an automated reply from the Unisa ContactCentre, Florida Campus.Your inquiry will be attended to by a Contact Centre Agent. Feedback will begiven to you via fax, e-mail or telephonically."

I've been feeling so unbelievably grateful lately, if that is believable... just about living here and being healthy and having enough to eat and clothes to wear... as if I won't have all this soon. I am so incredibly blessed. It almost makes me feel worse because I won't ever appreciate it fully. Also, today I am grateful again for Elliot Smith!

But still, fuck Unisa. They would be very quick to phone if I missed a payment!

2006-02-19T05:39:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to find a flat (a room!) and work in the uk online. I hope things work out for a change. 2006 has turned into a strange year for me. I don't know if I want to stay in London or in Birmingham. I don't know if I want to go to the UK or to Joburg. I want to work as Dion Chang's apprentice. Does anyone reading this know Dion personally???

I want to be 5.

2006-02-16T12:41:00.000-08:00

I've just heard my mom yell "fuck off" really loudly. (Not at my dad! I don't come from such an exciting home. More likely at the dog) I'm looking for work in England. There seems to be enough, so I'm not too stressed.

I sometimes find that I like someone suddenly and without knowing why. Usually other people seem to have crushes on people they know and actually talk to, whereas I like to have crushes on people I never talk to. (They would say "but you don't even know me!" if they knew I liked them.)

I'm loving the Royal Tennenbaums soundtrack. Specifically, "Stephanie Says" by the Velvet Underground...."why she's given half her life to people she hates now...."

I feel so deeply confused about what the fuck I am supposed to do with my life, in general. What are people supposed to do?

2006-02-14T08:18:00.002-08:00

Oshakati!

List!

I cut my own hair. I never brush my hair. I gave my brush to my best friend.
I am German speaking.
I was born in Oshakati, Namibia
I have never been able to focus in class and I have no idea how they gave me my degree. Neither do my friends.
I am a virgin.
I spend huge amounts of time daydreaming. Sometimes when I'm with my friends I wish I could be alone dreaming. I also have extremely unrealistic and childish daydreams. Before starting school the psychologist said I was emotionally immature, and I think I might still be.
I love traditional religious costumes. Especially Jewish men in their black outfits.
I don't know if I ever want to get married. I do. But I don't know if I want to be part of a couple for the rest of my life.
I don't like to tell people I smoke. Not often, but occasionally. My only family members that know this about me are 3 cousins and my dad's sister.

2006-02-14T08:18:00.000-08:00

My mom took me to the doctor today for depression (Don't worry Anni, I'm alright!) which is really awkward... sitting there trying to convince him I need pills. He said that I am seeing things unclearly. I told him that I feel completely rational in my depression. I think it has to do with your own personal world view. (I didn't say that last bit.) He prescribed something (which he says could make me gain weight which I'm sure will help me feel better!) and then before I left he gave me a piece of paper and said that he thinks it could help solve my problems. I'm looking at it now for the first time...

"Negative thoughts (about yourself and others) are NEVER legitimate." (Oh really. Why?) (Oh, it explains.) "Because :- the result of negative thoughts is ongoing suffering. It holds you back and drains you of energy. It has no redeeming features and will not make you understand yourself or the world any better."

"5 Techniques for removing a negative thought:
1- cut it off
2 - become the observer of the negative thought
3 - exaggerate the negative into ridiculousness
4 - counteract the negative thought with a very positive one
5 - repeat silently in the mind 'the result of negative thoughts is ongoing suffering'"
That and some pills.
My dad has just come into the room and again the first thing he asks is what I am planning to do with my life now. I should tell him that I'm planning to busk on our doorstep.

2006-02-11T00:44:00.000-08:00

Where I will not be living.

I'm in Durban...haven't told any of my friends yet.

Really depressed. I told my parents I was but they obviously need some evidence. They think I can sleep it off.

2006-02-08T16:16:00.000-08:00

Right now I am in Taichung, Taiwan. All I can say about Taiwan is that noone should ever consider honeymooning here. My 3 nights accomodation are up, I haven't seen a school I would even spend one day at. My bank card was swallowed. Right now my options are pretty limited. The agency will try to get the airline on the phone, and I pray that I can leave this island asap. It looks worse than Hillbrow. I would rather live in Gugulethu. Even though my choice is easy, I feel so depressed with myself and I have lost all faith in myself. OH so melodramatic :)

Hope I get a flight out.

PS, I did meet a Canadian guy who was lovely and funny! And the people here are really great and kind.

I'm running on an hours sleep so I need to just sit for a while.

AM I PATHETIC? I feel pathetic.

2006-02-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Trevor, I've learnt something new!

The hedgehog's dilemma states that the closer two beings come to each other, the more likely they are to hurt one another.
This comes from the idea that hedgehogs have spines on their backs. If they come close to one another, the spines of each will hurt the other. This is analogous to a relationship between two human beings. If two people come to care about and trust each other, something bad that happens to one of them will hurt the other as well, and dishonesty between the two could cause even greater problems.
The concept originates from Arthur Schopenhauer's Parerga und Paralipomena. It entered the realm of psychology after the tale was discovered and adopted by Sigmund Freud.
The hedgehog's dilemma is a central motif in the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion, where protagonist Shinji Ikari is the metaphorical hedgehog.

2006-01-31T01:06:00.000-08:00

Just watched the documentary on 3rd Degree about the fertility doctor who impregnated 75 women with his own sperm. Just imagine! All those siblings in one town, sure to meet one day.
******************
My bags are just about packed. I know I won't have enough space. As it is, I have to fly wearing my boots and loads of clothes. Now I have to do all those shleppy last minute things, like seeing the doctor and the dentist. Suddenly I have to have "goodbye" lunches with friends I've seen once over the past 2 months. Why? Then I'll have to sit there and talk about my trip over and over and watch them thinking I must be crazy. I should just say, "I have no idea why I'm going! No, don't know a single person there! Hope I find a place to stay! Oh well!" and smile a crazy smile.
******************
I'm already homesick and I'm still at home. I'm eating my mom's food and missing my mom's cooking at the same time.
******************
I've been listening to Radiohead's Kid A. Maybe it's influencing my mood. Oh, I went to Unisa and enroled in some Law modules, would you believe... I wanted something to focus on in my spare time, if I have any. Eventually I might convert by BComm to BComm Law, which sounds much better and hopefully will enable me to get a real job one day that doesn't involve costing trucks. (Logistics major.)
******************
My friend in Cape Town has recently had his tonsils removed so he is sore and sad. Apparently he has started talking again though. He can point at objects and say, "bring." He also says "eat" and "fuck." We're so proud of him. He's spending the day watching Absolutely Fabulous. How jealous am I? My day goes like this: doctor; bank; Rennies foreign exchange; clean room; eat curry. I can't wait for the 'eat curry' bit.

Katherine Moennig

2006-01-29T06:57:00.000-08:00

2006-01-28T08:46:00.000-08:00

Can you judge someone's intelligence by their taste? Right or wrong, I seem to do it all the time. From music to home decor. But then I'm a bitch, so I must just check with nice, sweet people if this is normal...

Most of my friends think I have strange taste so perhaps I just comfort myself by imagining that they are dumb and just don't understand.

2006-01-28T04:59:00.000-08:00

All day I think of clever little things to blog about. But when I'm at the computer I never have anything. I was at the travel agent and thought something amazing. I should write these things down but I always think, "How could I forget this? It's brilliant!"

Some guy I vaguely recognized saw me in the travel agent and came to say hi. I couldn't introduce him to my dad because I didn't know his name. I asked him how he was and what he had been up to. He said he was in a major car accident some time ago and was in a coma for a few months and now is relearning to speak. I saw him earlier that day and just smiled and walked past. I'm not saying I learned some major life lesson today, I just wish I was less of a bitch sometimes. After seeing him the first time I told my dad that I can't talk to every person who knows me from somewhere.

I spent most of the day irritated with my dad which is a sad thing to type. He just wants in on every decision I make. I had to go to the bank etc to sort out some stuff and he is full of 'advice' about how much money to transfer; which accounts to open; how many schools to interview at... The frustrating thing is that you miss them when you leave but when you're at home you can't remember that.

It is possibly the hottest day all Summer. There's just sport noone cares about and Star Trek on tv. I will have to swim until the sun sets.

I have to go to the farewell party of a girl I have never met tonight. I promised a friend. More shlep.

2006-01-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

I need to find the postsecret book. I wonder if it's available here yet.

I cut myself a new fringe. It's way too short but ok. My Taiwanese visa arrived today. I'm trying to imagine myself there so I can sort of prepare myself for being homesick. All I know is I will probably (definately) start smoking again when I am there. It's really comforting. I haven't this whole year! 25 days!

2006-01-23T06:46:00.000-08:00

It's a really nice day here today. It's cool and rainy! I have spent almost the whole day talking to our maid Gladys. All my friends are busy and I am stranded at home so it's nice to talk to the maid. I'm listening to Belle and Sebastian which always puts me in a good and peaceful mood. Gladys is actually still behind me right now talking to me. She won't stop really.

Suddenly I feel unsettled.

I did get a job offer in Taipei County quite close to the city. Don't know if I should take the first thing I get.

I feel like I need something. Just in general. Maybe it's because I'm anxious - I want to go now!

All my varsity friends are back in Stellenbosch. Except for Anni and Willow I think. That's also quite sad.

Now I feel sorry for myself. No, not really. I'm boring myself. I need to get out of this house.

2006-01-21T02:52:00.000-08:00

2 weeks to go! Getting excited about my new home. I'm sure I'll be in for a surprise!

2006-01-20T09:10:00.000-08:00

http://www.couchsurfing.com/

A really good idea. I think I might like to host a couch surfer when I have my own place. I would show them around town and let them meet my friends. I saw an article about this in the SL and had a look... Offer up your couch!

2006-01-17T01:00:00.000-08:00

I'm online at 11am, which is very naughty. (We are supposed to go online after 7pm when it's cheaper, but my mom's at work and by the time our next phone bill comes I will be very, very far away.)

It is so unbelievably hot here these days which makes everything a chore. I have perfected my banana smoothie though - it's a dream!

I can't go outside and swim because our gardener is here. He comes almost every day now and I don't like to run around in my bikini infront of him. I don't know why!

***

Things to get done today:

Write letter to my grandpa
Phone Unisa (I might want to do a module or 2 when I'm in Taiwan)
Clean room

I have this one friend who always seems to monopolize my time, I hate it. She doesn't understand that I like to be alone and think and read. I have spent almost every day this vacation doing stuff with her. If I don't want to hang out with her I need to have a big story about how busy I am. I can't just hang out with friends one day and fly to Taiwan the next. I need to sit on my suitcase and think.

I really love this **** post of Trevor Record's. Yes, I am a fan. I also feel the same way, even though it never makes sense for me to have a boyfriend if I'm going to be moving around so much... and I want to move around.

***

Things I want to do:

Convert my BComm into BComm Law
Do the WOOFFing thing in Nepal
Do a fun pudding BA (not that a BA is easy! I'm sure it is very, very challenging. But at least it's interesting!) with Art History, History, Geography and "Music in World Cultures Today" (I've been browsing through the Unisa books.)
Work in America or Australia, possibly in events management
Design clothes and commission my mummy to sew them and begin my own fashion house
Join Greenpeace in Korea
Play guitar properly
Adopt kids
Run the Comrades!

2006-01-15T04:23:00.000-08:00

Durban Durban!

A rickshaw! How very Durban!

http://www.gnod.net/ has suggested that I listen to....

Built To Spill
Pinback
Microphones
Apples In Stereo
Of Montreal

The only music store that's worthwhile going to is CD Warehouse and that's quite a drive. I need to download music like the rest of the world.

2006-01-14T23:31:00.000-08:00

I don't really know why I am going to Taiwan. I was freaking out in second year about what I wanted to do. I didn't want to rush straight into a boring job. I didn't want to do my honours. I saw a poster about teaching in Taiwan and thought, 'cool.' And now it is 2006 and I am going! I don't really have any other ideas at this point.

I would love to go to America at some stage to gain some work experience. I would pay for some work experience in the right field. I just don't know how open America is to foreigners looking for work. Especially foreigners from Africa.

Slopmaster has recently made out with his crush of 7 years. I have a current crush (9 years and running) on a friend of my brothers. He is a bit of a 'drifter.' He is 24 and is a waiter. My dad would freak out.

My mum is yelling at me to eat breakfast.

2006-01-13T23:13:00.000-08:00

I feel so rushed because I'm at an internet cafe and I need to do lots today.

Basically everyone around me thinks I am insane because I'm moving to Taiwan all on my own to work at some place I found online and, from an outsiders perspective, it looks like I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I am just some airhead who is flitting around. My dad said that the way he was brought up, you don't just get a degree for fun. (As if it was fun, ha ha ha.)

I feel really naive and stupid now.

I will do something important one day.

2006-01-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

Went away with some friends for New Years... It was hot and humid. We watched loads of Star Wars and went fishing a whole lot. OH, I also made out with my one boy crush. (Literally, he's like 19!) It was nice. He acted like an idiot and afterwards I felt slutty. I didn't speak to him again... I left the room whenever he entered. Childish, I know. But I can't just be cool friends with someone who has made me feel that way.

Went to a wedding recently and saw some old friends and now I feel completely inspired and excited about 2006! (Except for the fact that my Taiwanese agent is ignoring me which is disturbing so close to my departure date. Also I still have no visa. Minor road bumps, I'm sure.)

Happy twenty zero six my internet people, my favourite people by far!

2005-12-27T04:20:00.000-08:00

Last night was weird and not so good. My boy crush was with another girl with the same name as me. And I got too drunk. This morning I had the worst hangover of my life, ever! I've never had such a headache, I could hardly move.

Today I started sorting out some of my stuff for Taiwan... I am so unbelievably excited! I might go to a place called Hsinchu, which I know nothing of, so I need to start reading up... SO excited!

I have said it before but I suspect that I may suffer from some sort of mental imbalance. Like bipolar disorder. It's amazing that no one else has picked up on this yet. That just makes me feel worse!

New Years eve always leaves me feeling down and disappointed. It's that expectation that can never be fulfilled. It just depresses me to my core.

2005-12-25T23:07:00.000-08:00

Things are happening very slowly on the boy front. So slowly infact that I'm almost moving backwards. My cousin and I are at least having lots of fun trading embarrassing boy stories. I'm going away with friends for New Years eve and time is running out!

2005-12-19T13:26:00.000-08:00

I GOT AN ELECTRIC GUITAR TODAY! It is a shitty Starfire, but I am SO EXCITED. My dad thinks it's dumb, so close to me going away. I think I have wanted one for YEARS, so I will still want it when I get back! Need to go practise now!

2005-12-16T13:26:00.000-08:00

I am so sunburnt!
Having a good time, swimming braaing and drinking. J is adorable. He is 19. He is hot. And hard to read - which means "no" because when a guy is interested he will show it. OK, he is only a teenager and might be shy, and he is a tiny bit of a stoner (don't judge him) but still.
Other cutie, D, has been away down the South Coast. Also I have heard funny things about him. Not that I judge someone on hearsay.
So thing aren't really moving along. Hee hee.
*
SO, the other night I was out with some friends inc. J and him and his friend wanted to arrange some marijuana. At this club I see a really good friend of my brother's that I like a lot (sweetie!) and we chat for a bit and then I tell him that I have to go because my friends want to go score some weed. WHY did I say that? How stupid.
*
Next week my fun ends. The house is going to be filling up with family that I need to spend time with. I'm happy though! My cousins are adorable.

Being Slutty is hard!

2005-12-08T09:36:00.002-08:00

So today I went to the hairdresser and got my hair thinned - so overdue! - and I like it!

Tomorrow night I'm going to a party with all of my exciting people. The party is at this venue and my parents are going to dinner with friends upstairs from this venue. Both their dinner and my party start at the same time. They don't know that I will be going crazy right downstairs from them. Another weird twist... my cute-but-dumb crush (sorry but it's only true) works at the restaurant that they are going to. It's all very strange.

So last Wednesday we all had a very long pool party. Drinking and swimming from 9am till late at night. I am usually a sweet and subtle flirter. (I am! When sober...) But my friend R has been trying to change all that. She has been telling me that I need to be more "open." So on Wednesday I gave that a try. She thinks I wasn't being clear enough! But in my mind, I was really slutting myself out there. (Hand on the leg; touching and laughing blah blah..) R says that I can't just 'touch' I need to 'feel.' She doesn't think cute-but-dumb will pick up on subtle flirting! She wanted me to stop him in the passage for a kiss. Woe. Baby steps.

One thing I like about this boy is that APPARENTLY he used to be really overweight! Now he is extremely cute! But he is still really shy and self deprecating, in a sad way. R says he has NO self esteem! Aww. I just want to hug him!

*SIGH!!!*

Like a little teenager

2005-12-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

I have been back in Durban for about 12 days. It hardly feels like I've left! I'm having so much fun and going to the best parties and meeting some pretty cute boys. Every now and then I miss Cape Town a lot though! But right now, I'm enjoying home.

It's my dad's birthday today. He's just told me that my graduation present is R20 000! I am oh so pleased. All my trust funds also open up now which is good news. All of it will pretty much stay here till I get back from Taiwan though.

Taiwan. I am so nervous! I'm also having so much fun here, I hardly want to leave. At some stage you have to leave things behind though, and I will be back before I know it.

Saturday night = big party. Both of my 2 cute boys will be there. I hope good things happen.
I feel so happy ad light and excited! It's Summer! I have SAD and this is just the flipside of my awful Winter depression. At least depressed people are interesting and make sense. I just want to have fun and swim and braai and drink and kiss. I feel so stupid. Argh.

2005-12-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

Was in car accident yesterday! My first one! My friend J was driving. She dropped her cigarette and ... we hit the barrier and the car spun 3 times. We lost 1 wheel, as in it came off.
Now I am going to be an even more nervous driver, it was the worst thing ever to happen.
Other than my little near death experience, things have been fine and right now I'm looking for work in Taiwan!

2005-12-01T22:59:00.000-08:00

Got results! Passed everything! Except for one I am still waiting for) I am so happy. But my mother keeps ignoring me. I'm trying to tell her I got my degree.
Going to optometrist and then babysitting all weekend long.

2005-11-29T21:16:00.000-08:00

I'm here in my brother's old room at home because my friend R has taken over my own room. We went out last night and had a most pleasant time while she was quietly getting drunker and drunker. She didn't do anything obscene, she just kept yelling, "I am SO DRUNK!" Well, an old friend from school told me that my FORMER crush is apparently acting really strange and has some sort of internet girlfriend that he RUSHES home to e-mail every night. *sigh*

I want to get a guitar and a fusball table. I've wanted a guitar since I can remember, so that is a definite. Yes. I'm going to do it.

Um no JOE, I do not want to BE Trevor Record.

I should prbably wake my friend up soon. Last night she was inviting a whole lot of people to her place for a braai, so I suppose we should be there. Maybe I wil make her coffee and rock her gently awake, or maybe I should just switch on my music.

Gladys is here to vacuum now! That will do it.

My Links!

2005-11-28T09:02:00.000-08:00

Flatmate Anni
Actually, ex-flatmate. Anni lived downstairs in 2004 and moved up to our flat this year. She loves to watch Family Guy and eat pizza. She writes poetry and stories and plays Sims. Psychology studnet.

Durban boy at Rhodes
Mike is from Durban, just like me! He is German, just like me! He is a commerce student, like me, and studies away from home, like me! He listens to a lot of emo and generally feels frustrated by the students around him, I think.

A Canadian!
I have the biggest crush on Trevor Record. He probably thinks I am kidding. I would stalk him, if only we didn't live on different continents and I wasn't so lazy.

All Hart!
Debaser lives in Pretoria. Also a commerce student. Marketing, I think. He reads a lot of Palahniuk and listens to fairly decent music. Works at Exclusive Books.

Texan in California
Slopmaster was one of my first bloggy friends. He caused quite a stir on Single Older Chic's blog, so I had to check his blog out. He is in Marketing. He loves Seinfeld. He is a virgin, but don't be fooled. That's all I'm saying.

Joburg Journo
Lavinia is a really good writer. When she finally explodes and becomes SA's premier reporter, I will be glad to have read her first!

Slappyhappy!
Some of Slop's friends used to contribute on his blog. When he kicked them off, they formed Slappyhappy!

Is it really Zach Braff?
I have reason to believe, it is.

She'd rather be Dancing!
I love to read thiss blog, but I have no idea how I stumbled upon it.
I often read it and really 100% relate, which is very comforting! Reminds me of someone I would be friends with in REAL LIFE.

Nervous American
I don't read this blog as often as I would like, but it's also really good and I can often relate to it.

British Boy!
Friend of Anni's. Irish. Psychology student. A bit of a partier I think.

Pienk Smaartie
Willow also lived downstairs last year. She is going out with Wian's cousin. Just finished the second year of her BA. She drives a yellow scooter. Wears a lot of pink. Watches a lot of Anime.

NY Joe
Funny blog. I like to imagine Joe as this typical New Yorker walking around the city, Starbucks coffee in hand, trying to hail a cab. Or whatever.

2005-11-25T04:51:00.000-08:00

Quickly blogging. At internet cafe in Hout Bay. The place we are staying is amazing! Miss my flatmates lots! Tomorrow me and my dad drive 17 hours home to Durban! Shoo. My car has no aircon and no radio!

When I next blog I will be HOME.

My results come out next Friday at 2pm!

2005-11-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving this tourist town.

My car is half packed. I am leaving Stellenbosch tomorrow with my dad. There is no way everything will fit in that little car. I don't know what to do. My dad and I are spending a few days in Hout Bay before we drive all the way home, stopping over in Bloem.

So exciting la la la la la la la.

At the moment it is just me and Wian in the flat. We have watched loads of DVD's and played chess mostly. Yesterday we also smoked a lot of weed, but that was pretty much the most exciting thing we have done all week. (And then we played chess stoned - oh how boring our lives have become without our lovely flatmates!) We watched The Dreamers which was a bit disturbing. (Incest, eww!)

This will be my last trip to Fharga ever, and I have no news to blog about.

EVERY DAY should be a holiday!

2005-11-21T10:59:00.000-08:00

I mailed Doctor Louw the following:

To Dr. Louw
I was just wondering when you will next be available at your office to discuss the exam. I am concerned about how I did.
Thank you

And he replied:

I have good news for you. You may relax and make arrangements for graduation.
Regards,
Nicol Louw.

BUT I don't trust him. This is the same little man who said I done SO WELL (!!!) on my test and then I ended up with 54%! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK! But I am officially on HOLIDAY! So right now I don't need to care!
*SIGH!!!!*
It feels gooood.

2005-11-20T06:42:00.000-08:00

Short boring update.

I finish tomorrow. Still have not seen Doctor Louw, who is keeping a low profile these days. I'm sure I'm not the only student looking for him. I've had a good last weekend here...on Friday, Benita, Wian and myself went with B's mother to Gordon's Bay. (Extremely windy and lots of jellyfish!) Last night I spent alone in the flat. I got a banana smoothy from Marcels to cheer me up, and it worked!

Tomorrow after Project Management (ARGHGH!) I'm saying goodbye to Benita for the last time. I will be so extremely sad.

2005-11-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

Today: The rough plan
8:57
Check mail at Fharga
9:05
Speak to Dr Louw about yesterday. I don't know what I will say. No lecturer in real life accepts bribes. Maybe I will feel better after seeing him though.
9:15
Go to Lin's to start studying for tomorrow
10:45
Some shopping (farewell presents)
11:20
Home. Study.
02:00
Sleep
05:00
Wake up and study
09:00
Exam

PS Mr Record, I am certainly not going to dive straight into an office job! If that was my future I would want to study forever. I plan to travel and live off the fat of the land (what land, I am not sure) until I am about 40. (I'm only slightly kidding.)

2005-11-16T06:12:00.000-08:00

Dammit I have my health. I have nothing serious to complain about. I am just bitter that I am wasting another year of my life over some dumb piece of paper. I feel so stupid for putting myself in this situation. My children will never go to varsity, but instead will learn about life the old fashioned way - through experience... which is also much cheaper.

2005-11-16T01:19:00.000-08:00

I wrote my test, left and went straight to the bathroom to cry.
I don't know what to do, that's the second one that's gone fucking bad.
2006 is ruined.
I am crying as I type.
How could a year of my precious life be taken from me for such a stupid reason. Fuck, the only reason I want my degree at this stage is so I can go teach English in Taiwan. (It's a prerequisite.)
They are both second semester subjects, so what, I will have 7 months holiday and then come back to Stellenbosch and do 2 subjects.
Fuck. I just want to cry and feel sorry for myself.
If I tell my dad he will say, "hmm, what went wrong??

2005-11-13T07:06:00.000-08:00

Anni has left us. She left yesterday morning and the flat hasn't been the same since. On Friday night, her last night, we all went out and got RIDICULOUSLY drunk. So drunk in fact that I kissed 2 boys. I don't want to talk/think about it. Also I can't go back to my favourite club now because one of them is a bartender there and you know my thing about running into people I've kissed when I was drunk. Ended up spending an hour and a half in the McDonalds bathroom waiting for a friend who had fallen asleep in a cubicle.

Now I need to study.

This is my problem (one of them anyway) :- I feel the need to bring up all my mistakes every single day in my mind and cringe and chant in my head, "must kill myself, must kill myself," to the point where I can't look around the room without seeing something that will remind me of things I have done wrong. It is affecting my studies. I try to focus but then I remember some dumb thing I said/did in Matric and my breathing changes... blegh. So I have been drinking lots of Valerian, which does help, but knocks me out a bit.

SIGH

I wish.

2005-11-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

I hope this is never me...
This is me. I am such a bad student. And daughter! Another secret: My parents don't know I smoke. Other members of my family know, but my parents don't.

***

I think most people believe they are bipolar. Or am I wrong? I think I am bipolar. My gran is and it is quite bad so I hope I am not.

My Cape Town.

2005-11-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I wrote my ecos exam. Then bought milk and chicken, came home and relaxed (drank coffee and smoked) and then went to see Sin City.

Today I woke up, went to see 2 lecturers, came home and slept till 11 and spent the rest of the day doing who knows what. Oh, I watched a dumb movie, the Iris Effect. Blegh.

No work has happened since Tuesday morning, so tomorrow it's going to be an insane day of studying! I'm going to the Botanical Gardens with nothing but my textbooks (and cigarettes and juice) and not coming home until I am satisfied with my progress.

15 more sleeps in my home of the last 2 years, and then I am free! Oh what a sweet day the 22nd of November will be. (I only leave 3 days after I finish.)

2005-11-08T02:22:00.000-08:00

Had 3 hours sleep last night. From 2am to 5am. Just wrote exam (it was so-so). Wrote last night (AWFUL). Wrote yesterday morning (good!). Now I am tired. Will go to shop and buy food. Maybe see a movie, and hope I don't fall asleep during the trailers.

BIGGER NEWS: Like, omg, I am totally freakin'. My high school crush was invited to one of my best friend's wedding April next year. Must lose weight. And become funny and attractive! Must not be nervous! Argh, it's going to be like a big High School Reunion. Sort of Felicityish. And I will have graduated (hopefully). *sigh*

2005-11-05T09:41:00.000-08:00

2 exams down, one to go! So far, so good.

Fuck I am pissed. Specifically with people who think they can walk all over me because they (mistakenly) think I am too sweet. I really am quite evil, and once this evil is unleashed, these people will be brought to their knees crying and begging, and I will throw dirt in their faces and laugh. HA HA HA. Motherfuckers! I have this potential in me. I happen to think very evil dark things. WHY do people underestimate me!? Remember, serial killers always appear sweet and soft spoken in public. Until they SNAP.

Need to pick up my laundry now. Such a crap part of my student life.

ANNI IS LEAVING US IN ONE WEEK! What will I do? DON'T LEAVE ANNI!

2005-11-02T10:51:00.000-08:00

I have had such a rough week. By the end of last month I had fuckall money and was trying to live off my 2 minute noodles until November, pretending I was on Survivor. On the 31st of October my mummy sent me some sympathy money (exams) and I spent it that day. I bought jeans and a skirt and R20 of groceries - milk, coffee, bread and sugar. My monthly money has still not come and I am out of food. It had better come tomorrow. I ran an errand for Wian today for R10 so I will at least be able to eat something tomorrow morning. I suck at everything.
Today I wrote my test (so-so) and then did nothing all day, despite the fact that I am writing tomorrow night. Fuck crap. Why am I so unmotivated?

2005-11-01T22:14:00.000-08:00

I am on my way to my first exam. There was too much time to go straight to the exam room but now there is too little time to stay here very long! It is raining! I am going to arrive at my venue totally drenched! I think that is a bad sign. I keep chanting in my mind, "3 more weeks...only 3 more weeks," as if I could magically make time go faster. Wish me luck, it's dumb Business Management. After this there will only be SEVEN more to go. OK, at 08:20 I am going to leave here and take a slow walk to my venue. I feel so sorry for myself.

2005-10-31T11:17:00.000-08:00

Beth Gibbons, my person of the day.

Don't ask.

Need inspiration.

2005-10-31T05:14:00.000-08:00

She's a missus!

2005-10-30T10:34:00.000-08:00

The weekend was unsurprisingly unproductive. I'm sad too that it was probably the last bit of partying I'll do with my varsity friends this year. (And, if I pass all my subjects, ever!) I told my dad and he just said, "The friends you make now you will keep for life." But it's not the same when student life ends! I told him that I want to fly back sometime next year to go to Carnival and he said, "But when are you going to Taiwan then?" Shit, I hate being held to things. I can always go to Taiwan one week later. Crap I'm nervous about that.

My dad was on Carte Blanche tonight. He had his laptop stolen at the airport this year and so they interviewed him. We don't have MNet, but my friend taped it!

I went to the res of cute-Science-boy today because my friend needed to pick up some notes from him. I have decided that he is adorable. (In a cute dorky way!) Of course now that I have admitted this to myself, I can no longer talk to him because I am too nervous. I suck. He also has a cute dorky name! I love it! What bad luck it is getting a crush in the last week of class!

Exactly 22 days till I finish. First exam = 2nd November. Last exam = 21st November.

2005-10-30T02:33:00.000-08:00

Summary.

Thursday - Started drinking at 4pm in the flat. Ended up at Terrace with flatmate's cool Science friends. Went to Mystic Boer (love that place) and met a cute Science boy. (There's no more to add to that story unfortunately.)

Friday - Drinking at the flat. Later drinking at All Stars and dancing like crazy people. Then went to dance at Stones where Willow won a free drink (and a guy said to her, "Girls like you are the reason I moved to Cape Town!")

Saturday - Drinking on the stairs with neighbour girl and smoking hubbly which lead to weed and more drinking with the neighbour boy.

***

Wow! So much drinking. I feel like a real student!

Now there is nothing to do but STUDY for a month.

2005-10-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to my friends Bev and Richard who are getting married tomorrow!

2005-10-27T01:19:00.000-07:00

EXAMS!

Good luck everybody!

(Willow studying in our flat.)

Say hello to Joe

2005-10-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

In doing my bit for TBCTMJFIFNR I am adding a link! Joe is 39 years old and resides in New York! He is a Human Resources Manager, but I'm sure a very nice guy! His blog is irreverent and funny. Every week, look forward to his famous* "Week in Pictures."

Welcome Joe!

*or soon to be famous!

2005-10-26T01:57:00.000-07:00

I am NOT going to Business Management because I am avoiding a certain lecturer who I am certain hates me. Of course I think she is an insane cow. B*$#h.

Instead I am going to take some time out to write a response post to Mike's last post.

Topic = music. More specifically, evolving taste in music.

My very first favorite song was probably Kylie Minogue's Locomotion! At 5, I knew all the words. ("It's easier than doing the ABC, my little baby sister can do it with ease, so come on, come on doooo the locomotion with me! You gotta swing your hips now..." Yup.) Other favorites included Right Said Fred's "Deeply Dipply" (is that what it was called?)

In Std. 2 my favorites were Roxette. Oh yeah!

By senior primary all the kids were listening to Bon Jovi. I didn't really discover the radio until Std 4 and was delighted when I did. I taped everything from REM to the Spice Girls. It was only really in Std 5 when my music taste started to evolve. My brother's friend made me... a MIX TAPE! I would hate it today, but back then some Smashing Pumpkins, Live and Bush were just what I needed! I gave the tape to my best friend and together we became THE BIGGEST SMASHING PUMPKINS FANS of all time. (It was the mid 90's remember!)

Through High School, faces which graced the covers of my books included: Billy Corgan (SP), Brian Molko (Placebo) and Daniel Johns (Silverchair). The highlight of our SP fandom came in 2001 when they finally played in Durban. It was the night before our maths exam, but obviously you have to prioritize! They left the stage at the end of the show and we were doubtful that they would do an encore. We stayed, but made our way to the side of the stage to beat the crowd. At that very moment, Billy Corgan appeared at the corner of the stage where we were. We were the first to see and jumped up and waved like the crazy teenagers we were. And He Waved Back. TO THIS DAY, the only person who believes our story is my mom.

Somewhere in High School I also liked punk. NoFX, Pennywise, Greenday. A definite phase! By the end of Matric I was listening to a lot of Korn. I still like Korn but I don't have the energy for their angst anymore. I'm getting old. I then started listening to lots of female singers that I liked to sing to. I like to sing! Fiona Apple; Tori Amos; Aimee Mann; Beth Orton. Even Erykah Badu and Tracy Bonham! A weird variety.

I was very lucky inthat my brother is really into music and has great taste. His big big High School love was Radiohead, so I got to borrow all of that too. He introduced me to: Kula Shaker, Reef, Gomez, Creedence, Delta Blue and Pink Floyd.

After coming out of long term fandom, I began to resent anything artficially imitating what I used to love. You can't recreate what was. I hate a boring riff and a dumb line and deep introspection for the sake of sounding dark. Arg. I hate pop rock, or radio rock. I hate Creed, Lifehouse (sorry Mike!) Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit. I love anything that is interesting, inspired and gets my attention. I definately feel I have grown up a lot musically.

These days favorites include:

Radiohead

Modest Mouse

Portishead

The Shins

Gomez

Elliot Smith

Nick Drake

Mogwai

Kings of Leon

Aimee Mann

Nina Simone

Hal

Belle and Sebastian

Gillian Welch

2005-10-23T10:36:00.001-07:00

Our Gladys!

She is the best maid ever! She has probably contributed to my laziness, but I'm not complaining! This is her in our kitchen.

2005-10-23T04:20:00.000-07:00

MY dog Lisa and her brother Zigi are my favorite animals. Unfortunately they both passed away last year. They were my first real pets. (Ridgeback cross labradors) Such character, so sweet and adorable.

Since then my parents have got 2 new dogs. I don't really feel like they are MINE, because I don't see them very often and I sort of resent them because my parents seemed to get so quickly over our dogs. My parents are crazy about our new dogs, which are probably quite big now. Here is a picture of them as puppies.

Otto and Katja.

2005-10-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

The beach was lovely! Yes, I was at the beach. I did take my textbook and a file along, and then used both as a head rest. I only woke up at 11am, so no studying was done today. Yet!

Tonight Anni and Willow are seeing the Finkelsteins at Stones. Seems they are touring a lot, Lavinia just posted a picture of them on her blog. I will be watching TV and studying at the same time (completely possible! ) in my flatmates room, unless other flatmates are watching videos or a movie.

I feel similar to Mike in that I feel like home, but at the same time I'm really enjoying Stellenbosch right now. All is cool, or as cool as I could hope for so close to exams. I'm writing EIGHT exams. Thinking about this makes me so nervous that I want to avoid even looking at my books. *sigh* I always have been a slacker.

2005-10-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

STELLENBOSCH. Returning the favor Mike!

This has been my home for the past 3 years!

And this is the red plain! Underneath this is our library which is the biggest in the Southern Hemisphere!

2005-10-20T03:16:00.000-07:00

For better or worse, my project is completed and handed in. I am going to forbid myself to think about it again. Who cares? It is done!

I have exactly 6 days left of class. 6 days left as a student, walking around campus with my books, rushing to lectures, dropping my stuff and bunking instead. It is pretty sad. And scary. I will miss this little student town! It is the prettiest of all student towns that ever existed. This is true. Things I will miss about my Stellenbosch:

Going to sleep listening to the drunk neighbours; music from the club next door and first years getting high in our parking lot
Flatmates. Obviously
The Friday afternoon vibe on campus in Summer
Going to lunch at Cafe Chai
Hanging out in the flat all day chatting
Being able to sleep through classes
The Victoria street trees
The view of the mountains from campus
The nervous energy before exams and tests that everyone feels
Sharing a small fridge with 4 other people
My corner room on the third floor
Watching people walk to class from my window
Clubs: Bohemia and Mystic Boer

I will only really know how much fun it was when I leave, and I know this now, but there's nothing I can do about it. I hope I have made the most of my varsity experience. I don't think I did - you always think there will be more time! I wasn't very involved in Aristea (the private girls house) but then Aristea is huge and not many people are very involved! I didn't play any sports, I just went to gym. I'm glad I wasn't in res. I would only like that if I were a guy. I did have fun though! That's probably the main thing!

2005-10-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

Chloe Sevigny

Spokeswoman for my fictitious product, Coffee BANG!

NARGA

2005-10-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here in NARGA with flatmate B. There is a nerdy looking girl sitting in front of me, working. Some other girl just came to her computer to see her work, which is obviously quite good. And this other girl said, "Wow, you seem to have so much time on your hands!" (what a cow) And the nerdy girl just smiled and said, "No, not really, I was just interested in the work."

***

Right now flatmate B is about to lose her mind! There are 2 girls sitting across from her having a super loud conversation about some guy and she is trying to work. We have made loud comments, said 'fuck' loudly. She has even said "I wish everybody would stop TALKING OUT LOUD!" but to no FUCKING avail. WHY do some girls talk for everybody? They are clearly wanting other people to hear their story.

2005-10-19T02:51:00.000-07:00

I fear my project has gotten out-of-hand obscure! Product = Coffee BANG! - vitamin enriched coffee. Celebrities to endorse it = Chloe Sevigny, Alison Goldfrapp and Macauly Culkin. It's too late to change any of it, it's due tomorrow!
My brother went to Oktoberfest in Munich, lucky bastard. Picture!

He's the guy in middle.

The party.

My dad's Godmother in Fischbachau.

I'm late!

*dashes off to class*

2005-10-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

My project is coming along quite well. I have chosen an 80's theme for all the adverts, inspired partly by Patsy and Edina. Just had tea with a friend. I was telling him about my friends who are married and my friends who are getting married. I came straight here afterwards and got an e-mail from one of my best friends. She says that her and her boyfriend have been looking at rings! It's an epidemic! I thought about where we would all be when we finally reunite - that is, my 6 best friends from High School. They will definitely all be married or divorced by the time we all get together. Where will I be? I hope that I will have stories to tell! I don't plan to get married ANY time soon, so that frees me up to have loads more dreams about stuff I want to do. I think it's a good thing. A LIST!

Things I want to be able to say if we have a reunion in 2015:

I had an excellent varsity experience at Stellenbosch, and made some friends I will keep for life.
I taught English in Taiwan for 1/2 years, and really loved it and learnt a lot from the experience.
While there, I did a BA LLB through UNISA and did a bit of traveling in South East Asia
Thereafter I came to SA and paid a deposit on a flat which I rented out while farming in South America. (see www.wwoof.org)
I joined UNICEF and worked for a while in India.
I came back and moved into my flat and started working for Big Concerts/EMI/BMG/Capitol...
I adopted a little Asian girl.
Maybe I got married in Vegas.

*sigh* Daydreams...

2005-10-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

The Challenge:

Tomorrow is a big day for Anni and myself! She will give up fast food and I will give up smoking. We will motivate each other and help each other resist temptation. I personally am looking forward to being a healthier person!

Please help me decide! For my project!

2005-10-15T13:07:00.000-07:00

I'm leaning toward Patsy or Edina from Absolutely Fabulous. Input? I didn't even know that Edina's surname is Monsoon!

2005-10-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

We went to see Kung Fu Hustle this afternoon. It is so much fun! Wian called it, "The best movie of the year." Anni called it, "Hilarious." And I say, "2 Thumbs up!" Unfortunately there were 2 or 3 kids sitting in the back row talking the entire way through. We were so irritated, at one point I actually stood up, turned and told them to keep quiet.

My favorite character.

Movies

2005-10-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

I got out 2 movies today. 'Tadpole' and 'The Graduate.' No, I was not going for a theme. I watched Tadpole first and in it John Ritter says, "That's so very "The Graduate" isn't it." (something like that.) Ha!

What I wanted to get out was "Igby goes down," and "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," an old favorite!

Tomorrow Anni and I are seeing Kung Fu Hustle. Yes, movies take quite a while to reach the southern most tip of deep dark Africa.

Hmm. Perhaps a list!

favorite movies that I can think of right now.

The Royal Tennenbaums
American History X
Boondock Saints
Fight Club
Beatlejuice
Goodfellas
Magnolia
The Big Lebowski
Resevoir Dogs
Boogie Nights
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Trainspotting
Waking Life
Blow
Before Sunset and Before Sunrise
Clockwork Orange

I think my list is very predictable. I feel like there is something very obvious that I'm forgetting. Hmm. I love movies that have a strong mood to them. And movies set in France. Like Swimming Pool. I also liked Anything Else, but I don't know why.

I'm a girl!

2005-10-14T03:31:00.000-07:00

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

I'm more normal

2005-10-14T03:19:00.000-07:00

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

I just have to get this out... AAAATTHTJHTTRGHRGHRGHR!

2005-10-13T02:41:00.000-07:00

I got 49% for 2 tests. So I went to those 2 lecturers and basically whored myself for one extra mark. I know they were power tripping from my helpless desperation, mothersmurfers!* I spoke to the first lady for about 25 minutes, my face all flushed and embarrassed, defending my arguments which she says are "vague." She didn't even know what 'acquiesce' means and circled it with her red pen. Eventually I said to her, "Listen bitch," no actually I said, "I really just would like this one mark, it makes a difference to me," and then she said, "Well, if you had just said that in the first place I would have looked for a mark!" She gave me the 1 mark, but now I feel it wasn't worth it. She'll remember my name and mark my exam really strictly.

She gave me my paper back to give to the other lecturer and when I gave it to him he just said, "Hmm, I see you didn't do this in writing." (the official way to handle these things.)

Then I went to the other guy. I showed him where I could maybe still get a mark. He said, "With your other test grade, you've already passed!" And I said that it still just makes a difference to me. And he gave it to me.

I feel drained.

* Robot Chicken!!!

2005-10-12T23:40:00.000-07:00

I just wrote a bad test. I left early because I had such a bad cough! And now it is fine. Then I picked up a test paper which was also bad. I have been slacking now that I have predicate for the subject. Typical laziness. I once told my dad, "I'll only work as hard as I have to," but now there is even more pressure to pass.

***

I was wondering yesterday why it is that people don't always (ever???) say what they are thinking. Why is it so hard for someone to say to their crush, "I like you." Instead they spend years wondering about the other person. Why don't they just say it? This is the most obvious example of people not saying what they feel, but if people are like this, they are probably the same way in other circumstances.

If you like someone, they can be sitting right next to you and yet feel so far away because you just can't say anything about it. Why? When I have a crush (which as you all know is hardly ever) I prefer to avoid the person completely. I am even rude to that person. Why? If it was just an attraction, it would be different.

Should we be open and honest with each other at all times?

41 days left till my final exam!

2005-10-12T01:16:00.000-07:00

***
Today is going to be busy. Class. Test. Gym. Party (that I want to skip). We all drank a bit too much red wine last night, and of course I suck at partying so 2 nights in a row is a bit much!

***

My friends are getting married!

The first friends are getting married this very month! She is an old friend from High School. One of my best friends too. She lives in London now (along with half the South African population) with her fiance and their 2 dogs.

The fiance. Don't be fooled by the tattoos, he's really sweet.

2005-10-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

Stupid Moment

I worked in England last Christmas holidays waitressing (blegh) and while I was there I stayed at my Aunts with my Uncle and 2 cousins. The place I worked at was really close to where they stay, which was nice and convenient. My aunt and uncle would go to work and I would walk myself to work and back for lunch and supper. My cousins don't really do all that much. They read, play musical instruments, make food but mostly they just get stoned.

So I was sitting in the lounge watching TV one morning, waiting to walk to work for my shift, when my cousin left the house. Before he left he said, "Oh, and of course help yourself if you want," pointing to some marijuana he left on the table. So I watched bad TV for a little while before deciding, what the hell. 10 minutes later my aunt comes home. Now she is not stupid and knows her sons very very well - definitely she can tell what's going on. I mean there's that familiar smell in her lounge. But then the phone rings and it's the place I work - I was supposed to be in 5 minutes ago. I had to run there and start working. I remember I was the only waitress in! Luckily for a while I just had to polish cutlery in the kitchen, what a relief! At least it was good to curb my usual waitress nerves, and I can say that I have gone to work stoned before, which is quite funny!

2005-10-10T03:24:00.000-07:00

My weaknesses include my insane ticklishness and my inability to stay mad, or often even get mad at someone. I'm sure I will be proven wrong soon and someone will truly piss me off beyond redemption, but for the most part I struggle to be a convincing 'angry' person.

When I am pissed off by, oh for random example, a flatmate, I try to look angry and express myself loudly and be taken seriously. And then I burst out laughing. BUT I have legitimate reason to be mad! And yet, when I try to look angry and be serious, I just cannot stop laughing. It's gotten to the point where I don't even try. If I'm ever yelling at someone, they can just imitate me or look at me really seriously and I'll be smiling. DAMN.

But of course noone must know this or they will take full advantage, as some people already have! It is just like revealing that I am ticklish - it will only lead to being tickled. I plan to work on this instead and be an assertive, strong person.

Picture for picture's sake...

just because I am smoking again, a little bit!

2005-10-08T10:35:00.000-07:00

Me and the brother!

2005-10-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

The brother and I!

2005-10-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

First Years!

I'm the girl on the right if you still can't recognise me. My arm looks too long and out of proportion because my top is riding up a bit. Oh how young and innocent we looked back then. (But why did we carry those small slingy bags?)

And this is our First Year float at Carnival in 2003. The theme was Conspiracy. I thought it was pretty controvercial! We also had a big Osama on the other side!

The Project

2005-10-08T03:03:00.000-07:00

I'm here at Humarga (each faculty has their own computer lab, and this is the BA's. Mine is Fharga - on the other side of campus!) working on that project.

My 'product' is the "Audio Textbook." This has probably been done before, but I've never seen it. It's hard when you think you've discovered something new in SA only to learn that in the UK or the US it is already old news. When I was a very young child I invented the tea bag squeezer. I told my whole family, and tried to describe it. When I was about 11, my mom came home with one she had bought at the shop. I thought, 'fuck.' Well, I was 11, so I probably though, 'damn.'

Product Category:

Target Market: busy (or lazy) student

Mindmap bit

TV Character:

Possible choices include Phoebe (Friends) Ros (Frasier) Elaine (Seinfeld) These are just suggestions from friends, but I think THIS site will be helpful!

Quote: "Most people are other people; their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." Sir Oscar Wilde

I would have tried for a funny quote but I like this too much.

Article from your environment that is generally used everyday: a mug maybe. keys.

This is too un-project like and fun to be work. But, I better get back to it!

INPUT most welcome!

2005-10-08T02:07:00.000-07:00

So I walked into the CNA yesterday and out near the front is the new 'Executive Business Brief' and it's cover catches my eye. It says "BLOGGING" and underneath "communication's new frontier." (I've already told this story to 3 people!)

2005-10-07T01:21:00.000-07:00

These were just sent to me by a friend.

Debaser, I know how much you love Paris! For you!

2005-10-07T00:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt I had my own Cd shop. It was really 80's with neon lights and it was called something like "The flash room" ...or something cheesy like that.

But I have actually thought about owning a music store before. All we have in this town is Musica. I cannot stand Musica. And those people who work there with their little Musica T-shirts. They know absolutely nothing ABOUT Music. I always think, the only real requirement for the job is to have some interest in Music. (Oh yes, and to be able to work a till, woooohooo.) Like news readers here in SA. Skills needed: Reading and speaking well. Yet they choose an English woman to read the Afrikaans news; a Zulu woman to read the English news and so on. But I digress. Musica is dumb. When I am at home in Durban, my dad and I go to Gateway (big mall near beach) and listen to Cd's there all morning, get some music and have lunch. It's one of our favorite things to do together. How sweet.

My music store would obviously only sell music that I deem to be any good. Obviously. High Fidelity comes to mind... yes I would only employ music nerds - my favorite kind of nerd! Oh it would be so much fun!

My real dream is to one day work for Big Concerts. Would that be selling out? I will soon (hopefully) have my Logistics degree and would love to do events like that. We in SA don't have the good fortune to see a lot of really good talent (even though we must be Proudly South African and be crazy about bands like "Freshly Ground," blegh. It's almost taboo to say you don't like them.) In Stellenbosch we get to see "Bed On Bricks" about every fortnight at the club next door, and a bit of Delta Blue. (Delta Blue are ok!) But for the most part, if an international act comes here, we will go no matter what it is, just happy for the show.

It's pretty childish to say that music is your only passion, like some teenaged girl. I will probably need to grow up soon and realize my fate as an operator of a fleet of trucks or a distribution manager - things I should be doing with Logistics!

Help. I'm dumb.

2005-10-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

Where is a good place for me to download music from? Anything on my previous list.

2005-10-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

I've just lost another R30 to my flatmate playing pool at the club next door. I already owe him R10 from bets we have made previously. I just couldn't stop playing! Why do I think I'm suddenly going to turn into a brilliant pool player, like the talent was always there waiting to be revealed? Granted, it's not a lot of money in another currency, but I realized that I hate losing. That is so unlike me. Maybe I just hate losing to someone who is so smug about beating me.

I can say that Mystic Boer is my new favorite place! And the one bar tender looks like my half-a-crush from way back when... which means he looks really young, but cute.

I'm really leading the life of leisure these days. I go to about 3 lectures; gym; meet a friend for lunch; watch dvd; meet a friend for coffee or tonight, play pool. I feel like I will soon pay for my laziness.

The people next to me are two English students, quite obviously first years, who are talking really loudly and are destined to fail their assignment. They are trying to figure out what 'redundant' means.